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Blaze up and turn off Aqua Teen for a real-life trip. Wait, what'd you just say?

Starting subway: F, G to Bergen St

Ending subway: L, N, Q, R, W, 4, 5, 6 to 14th St-Union Square

Distance: 3.4 miles

Time: 4 hours

Calories burned: 340

1. You've smoked a spliff with your girl, packed a bowl with work buddies or dug that last special brownie out of the freezer. It's time for a road trip. Start by curing the munchies at ChipShop (129 Atlantic Ave between Clinton and Henry Sts, Brooklyn Heights; 718-855-7775), an authentic-down-to-the-spotted-dick English pub serving deep-fried Twinkies, Snickers, Twix, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and--what was most certainly a "high-dea"--cheese pizza (all available to go).

2. Make your way up Henry Street to the Brooklyn Bridge. Don't get paranoid as you weave past the Federal Courthouse to climb the steps at Cadman Plaza East. (And screw the man--burn a jay in nearby Cadman Plaza Park, your last safe refuge for the afternoon.) Then take in the view: Architectural achievements--including lower Manhattan's regal skyline and Lady Liberty winking--seen from 13 stories up, are, like, super-high-def.

3. Once across the bridge, head right on Centre Street, right on Worth and left on Bowery until you hit the East Broadway Mall (88 East Broadway at Forsyth St), the hyperkinetic Chinatown shopping complex under the Manhattan Bridge. Rows of stalls peddle calling cards, Asian-pop karaoke discs and bootleg Hello Kitty tees. It's like a Shanghai swap meet--or Blade Runner, which was a freaking awesome movie.

4. Mouth dry, starting to tire out. Off East Broadway, walk north on Essex and take a right on Grand to grab a water or coffee at The Doughnut Plant (379 Grand St at Norfolk St, 212-505-3700) for straight-out-of-the-fryer glazed goodness, including tres leches, a coconut variety and a square-shaped jelly roll.

5. Go back to Essex and walk north until it becomes Avenue A, and soon you'll find Tompkins Square Park. Join in a drum circle or just cop a squat. If you're hard up for an herbal recharge, ask around for a dime bag--if you don't mind extending your walk straight to the Tombs. (Possessing marijuana "open to public view" is a misdemeanor, and could earn you five days in jail.)

6. The address on East 6th between Avenue A and First: 420. Walk by. Awesome.

7. It's lunchtime. Head to Second Avenue and up to Pommes Frites (123 Second Ave between St. Marks Pl and E 7th St, 212-260-7948), New York's OG fries shack that's been serving sacks ($4-$7.50) to East Village stoners since 1996. The lines can be long, but you'll need at least 20 minutes to choose between rosemary-garlic mayo and curry ketchup as your designer dipping sauce.

8. Half a block west at Search & Destroy (25 St. Marks Pl between Second and Third Aves, 212-358-1120), sift through pit-stained vintage rock tees, punk patches and a rainbow of church-league softball jerseys to find your new lucky shirt. While in the 'hood, pocket a new glass pipe (or faux-cigarette one-hitter) at the East Village's most trusted purveyor of tobacco-use-only paraphernalia, Village II (128 Second Ave at St. Marks Pl, 212-388-0050).

9. To begin your comedown, walk through Astor Plaza and up Broadway to Union Square. Catch a flick at Cinema Village (22 E 12th St between Fifth Ave and University Pl, 212-924-3363) or grab some Hemp Plus Organic Chewy Granola Bars at Whole Foods (4 Union Sq South, 212-673-5388). After all, you're nothing without your health.
--Matt Rodbard

From the Time Out New York Walks feature, May 2007